What to Do If Your Ex is Violating Custody Orders
Jan. 8, 2026
In New Jersey, custody orders are supposed to provide children with a predictable schedule and parents with clear expectations. When an ex doesn’t follow the order, it can create last-minute childcare problems, missed school events, and recurring conflict that feels impossible to manage.
Even if the issue starts small, repeated violations can affect your time with your child and can strain co-parenting in ways that spill into everyday life. The next right step depends on what the order says, what has happened so far, and whether safety is a concern. A steady plan can help you respond in a way that protects your child, your rights, and your credibility if the court becomes involved.
At Schwartz, Hanna & Olsen, P.C., we work with parents who need practical legal options when custody orders are being violated. We proudly serve clients in Metuchen, New Jersey, as well as the surrounding areas of Middlesex County, Somerset County, Morris County, Essex County, Passaic County, Bergen County, Sussex County, and Hunterdon County.
Custody Orders and What Counts as a Violation
A custody order usually covers parenting time, exchange logistics, holidays, vacations, and decision-making responsibilities. A violation can look like refusing to follow the schedule, repeatedly arriving late or not showing up for exchanges, withholding the child, or interfering with phone or video contact if the order sets those terms.
Some orders also include limits around relocation, school enrollment, or travel, and ignoring those rules can also create legal exposure.
However, not every disagreement is a clear violation. If the order is vague, if both parents have informally changed the schedule over time, or if communication is poor, the situation can feel murky. That’s why it helps to start with the written terms and treat the order as the baseline, because your next steps should line up with what the court actually ordered.
Immediate Steps to Take Without Escalating Conflict
When a violation happens, your first instinct may be to match the other parent’s behavior or to demand an instant fix. In many cases, a calmer response protects your position and keeps the focus on the child rather than the dispute. If you’re deciding what to do right away, a few practical steps can help you stay consistent and child-focused:
Document the missed time: Write down the date, the scheduled exchange time, what happened, and how long you waited, and keep it factual rather than emotional.
Stick to the written order: Always show up as scheduled and adhere to the designated exchange location and timing unless a written agreement states otherwise.
Keep messages brief and respectful: Use neutral language that focuses on the schedule, and avoid threats or personal attacks that can be used against you later.
Offer a reasonable makeup option: If appropriate, propose a specific replacement time that fits the existing schedule, rather than leaving it open-ended.
Avoid self-help changes: Don't withhold the child in retaliation or unilaterally rewrite the schedule, because that can create claims that youre also violating the order.
These steps aren’t about accepting repeated violations. They’re about reducing the chances that the situation escalates in front of the child and creating a clear, organized record of what is happening. Once you’ve stabilized the immediate response, the next focus is building documentation that’s useful if you need court enforcement.
Building a Record That Helps if Court Action Becomes Necessary
Courts tend to respond best to clear, consistent documentation that shows a pattern rather than a single heated incident. A strong record usually centers on the order terms, the dates of noncompliance, and your efforts to follow the schedule. If you're gathering materials, it helps to keep them organized in a way that’s easy to review:
Parenting time log: Maintain a running calendar of scheduled time, actual time exercised, and any denied time, using short notes that match the order terms.
Communication folder: Save texts, emails, and co-parenting app messages in one place, and keep the full thread so context is clear.
Exchange documentation: Keep screenshots of location sharing, parking receipts, or other neutral proof that you were present for an exchange when required.
Third-party confirmation: If a friend or family member was present for an exchange, note who was there and what they observed, without turning it into a witness campaign.
Child-focused impact notes: If missed time caused a concrete issue, such as missed school pickup logistics, note the practical impact without attributing motives or blame.
The goal is to create a record that someone outside your household can understand quickly. It’s also helpful to show that you tried to resolve the issue in a reasonable way before asking the court to step in. With documentation in place, you can then think about whether the issue calls for safety planning, emergency help, or a more standard family court enforcement process.
Court Options for Enforcing Custody Orders
When informal efforts don’t work, a parent may seek court enforcement. The right filing and the right request depend on the order, the type of violation, and what outcome is realistic. If you're considering court involvement, here are common remedies parents may request, depending on the facts:
Enforcement of litigants' rights: Ask the court to order compliance with the existing custody and parenting time terms.
Makeup parenting time: Request a specific schedule for replacement time that matches what was missed.
Clarification of unclear terms: Ask the court to tighten the language regarding exchanges, holidays, or communications to reduce room for disputes.
Change in exchange conditions: Request modifications such as a different exchange location or structured communication methods if conflict is driving repeated violations.
Consequences for repeated noncompliance: Depending on the record, the court may impose remedies to deter ongoing violations, including financial penalties or other court-ordered steps.
Court remedies work best when the request matches the problem. Asking for a sweeping change when the issue is narrow can backfire, while requesting a clear and targeted fix can make it easier for the judge to act. If violations continue, it may also be a sign that the current order no longer fits the child's needs or the parents’ schedules, raising the question of modification.
Contact Us Today
If your ex is violating custody orders, you don’t have to guess at your options or respond without a plan. At Schwartz, Hanna & Olsen, P.C., our firm serves clients in Metuchen, New Jersey, and the surrounding areas of Middlesex County, Somerset County, Morris County, Essex County, Passaic County, Bergen County, Sussex County, and Hunterdon County. Call to discuss the legal steps that can protect your parenting time and your child’s stability.